Monday, September 13, 2010


the root of all necessary evil.

it became apparent after living/working in the outside world (.....outside of the utah bubble....) that as much as you could prove yourself by actions in the working world...if you don't have that little 10 point font on a resume that says you've completed some sort of degree, you will never make as much as you are worth.

so here i sit. avoiding my homework like the plague. even though i'm enjoying this semester more than any i've had the privilege of suffering through up until this point in my life. I'm learning things..... problem is....i don't know if i'm learning the right things. i guess i won't know until i start getting tested. (that sounded like i was going to the doctor to get tested for some disease....i'm not diseased.)

But i really am feeling like i'm at least on the right path as far as my major is concerned. The idea of teaching history really really excites me. And history excites me. I just hope i'm smart enough and that my brain can handle all of this information that is being thrown at me. I'm reading more than a human being ever should... at least in my opinion.... but hey. at least i'm reading and at least i'm going to class... so far. I shouldn't jinx myself seeing as it's only the 3rd week of school. but i'm trying to keep this motivation up. so bear with me.

I'm finding it more difficult to transition back to life here in provo than expected. It was much easier to move out of this place than to move back into it. But ... again... i'm learning how to cope and only pray that the next year and a half go quickly. I figure the more busy I am, the faster things will go. hence me working 2 jobs on top of the 14 credits i'm taking. Would i LOVE to not have to work both jobs? yes. would i be productive if i didn't? no. i find that the more free time i have.........the more i use that free time in unproductive ways. you know what i mean?

my living situation has been less than ideal..............i don't really want to talk about it. at least not now. maybe once things are resolved i'll feel ok about it.

......... i haven't been grocery shopping since moving here. i'm far from skinny. other than my wrists of course.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


life is full of them.

i recently made the hardest one of my life.

Stay in California. or. Move to Utah.

.........................Here I sit in Provo, Utah.

This was the first decision i've made in life where i was completely and utterly torn. My heart wanted to stay in California....but my brain told me to move back here. It just made sense. now that i'm here? i'm ready to leave again....but that stupid bachelor's degree is standing in the way.

I made the move based on faith. and believe me....i'm putting a lot of faith in this decision because it definitely was not what i wanted.

so what exactly am i doing here? studying to become a high school history teacher. This was my original intended major, and i kinda strayed away from it for a while..... but now that i'm back in the groove i feel like i've made the right decision for my life. In the 2 weeks i've been back at BYU i'm motivated and actually learning things. shocking, i know. I have the end in mind....even though it could be as far as 2 years away...and it's keeping me going.

I moved into a condo in provo with complete strangers instead of moving back home with my parents. Something i vowed i would never do.....yet here i am. i'm growing up a little bit i think. kind of scary. I'm hoping this new view-point helps keep me motivated.

I left behind so many things in California.... A job with a promising future, family, best friends, delicious food..............

it'll all be worth it........right?